Hey Metro, Brazil can run trains in the rain.

Maybe you could ask them how it's done.

More Train on SUV Violence

Well it happened again, some poor innocent SUV was grabbed and brutally beaten by the Metro Rail.

SUV slain by Metro Rail

Video proves our trains mean business

Some enterprising person put together security cam footage of a bunch of Metro rail accidents. Amazingly, it seems that placing the blame on car drivers for the incidents is valid. Although poor rail corridor design is a big part of the problem too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CV2rdGX4JYc

Houston rated #1 in Mean Trains

Houston has topped the national charts for mean trains. Our trains seeth with rage at the mere sight of a car and jump at the chance maim or kill a person. In the past, Metro's light rail has been carrying the load of mean train responsibilities by smashing every car and blind-drunk bum that crosses it's tracks. Recently, the Metro has entered a rough patch or slump in it's crash numbers which has not gone unnoticed by it's larger cousins, the freight trains. Not wanting to let the meanness title slip away the freight trains has upped their game to a level not seen before. Freight trains have not only started hitting, they're killing unwary citizens. They even whacked a celebrity. That's right, it's not just train racing teens facing fearsome freight fury, but NBA stars are no longer safe either. Even if you're 6' 10", 245# you have no chance against a determined 500 million ton train.



So, hobos and train robbers beware, Houston is not your kind of town. Keep your eyes peeled because there's a killer on the loose.

Police photo of suspect/person of interest.

Can a cartoon crush our city

Yesterday, Boston was supposedly brought to its knees by a viral marketing campaign that was effectively fancy graffiti. Maybe I'm more hip and cool than I thought because I recognized the cartoon character and thought the news story was a joke. To think the Boston bomb squads were called into action over 2-4 D-sized batteries and some LED lights is just plain stupid. I haven't seen all the data yet, but do you really think terrorists make bright, flashing bombs. If I ever need to blow up a bridge or something, I'll make sure not to disguise the bomb as a discarded cardboard box. Instead I'll make it flash wildly, so nobody notices.

Also, D-battery-sized wads of high explosive, detonated in an open area (not the same as a shaped charge or a capped bore-hole!), would do nothing. Someone who happened to touch it at the moment of explosion might get killed, but it wouldn't do much better than that. When you hear about suicide bombs going off in markets and mosques in Iraq, these involve large backpacks or even vehicles stuffed to the brim with explosives. And they still usually only manage to take out a dozen people even in a large crowd! While the average Joe may believe what they see on CSI, 24 or whatever joke of a cop drama is on this season, a real bomb-squad should have a hell of a lot better training than that.

I hope they can see this cause I'm doing it as hard as I can.

Wow, that rant got a bit long winded. Thank goodness idiocy like what happened in Boston couldn't occur here in Houston. Think again Mr. or Mrs. Condescending-Attitude-For-Those-Liberal-New Englanders. You see Houston has several running clubs that use flour to mark a course for the group. As it turns out Houston streets have been shut down numerous times due to "suspicious powdery white substances that OHMYGODITMIGHTBEANTHRAX!" The best way to spread anthrax is obviously to throw it on the ground outside, right? None of our incidents has made the National news or been a major issue for the city, but it could easily happen. All it takes it one Chicken Little with loose grip in reality and the whole bogus "We have to take every threat seriously" Homeland Security behemoth will swing it to action on the evening news.

Rain is the new Ice

We've had a spot of rain over the last two days and it seems to scare Houston drivers nearly as much as Dr. Frank-hyped ice storms. Last night traffic was an infernal mess as people tried their darnedest not to modify their driving styles to the conditions. The Westpark Tollway was stacked up like IHOP's Paul Bunyan flapjack plate.

This morning everyone must had been hiding under their blankets because the roads were deserted. A near record minimum commute time was recorded. Thanks you big babies.

Icy Weather Driving Tip

Houston has no real road clearing ability whether the weather turns wintry. If there's ice, you are left to fend for yourself relying only on your reflexes and luck that no bonehead wipes you out. Since it's a dog eat dog situation out there at the best of times, I'd like to share a little Houston driving tip not in the hopes that it will save injury or death, but rather than it will keep my insurance premiums from spiking do to an avalanche of claims.

People hate the Houston bike lanes. I can't quantify the amount of whining I've heard about them. "The lanes are too narrow now." "Bikes belong on the sidewalk." "Only _____ (insert derogatory name here) ride bikes." "How much money was wasted building that?" Heck even bikers hate the bike lanes due to the way they were built. They are too narrow, riddled with potholes and garbage because they are never cleaned. That is where we can turn a sow's ear into a silk purse. When the roads get icy just drive in the bike lanes. There's plenty of traction to be found on the crushed cement, gravel, sand and broken glass. All the nails and screws lying there will serve to automatically create studded tires for you free of charge. Just watch out for the occasional cinderblock and you'll be laughing on the way to the office as you speed past regular law abiding commuters.

Great Ice Storm of 2007, part deux

Well some ice did arrive Wednesday morning and no roofs collapsed under the weight, power lines weren't brought down by fallen tree branches and no one got frostbite. However, people did manage to wreck there cars.

It seems Houston drivers have a proficiency for creating auto accidents whether dry, wet or frozen. They have the ability to abandon the rules taught in drivers education courses about 3 seconds after walking out the door. They speed, change lanes quickly and follow much too close to the car in front, add in some mildly slick conditions and you get numerous 10+ car pileups. It's so predictable that I have friends who start a betting pool for the number of crashes involving 5 or more cars every time the weather looks a little sketchy. It simply boggles the mind that this type of behavior behind the wheel never gets modified through experience. Perhaps cars are just too safe these days and give drivers a sense of invulnerability.

So until we get some real herd thinning-type weather, I salute your bravado speeding pickup truck driver.